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Am I Prudish?

From Australia: Hello,

I am interested in your opinion about this question: Am I prudish or out of touch when I think that a girl having sex with a guy is somehow not right morally?

I’m not saying that the act is immoral in any way; but that I can’t see girls that girls are sexual beings and not just in the context of a parental/friendship, etc, role. At the same time I realize that girls enjoy sex as much as guys; and I want to have sex with girls.

This apparently confusing contradictory thinking is not rational, but I more feel it.

Is it to do with my upbringing and views about sex, such as historical norms that women should be demure, passive, etc, when it comes to this thing.

I am a 40 yr old guy, btw, from Australia.

A: You are describing a dilemma that is more common than you might think.

As you pointed out, this creates a problem for mature adults like yourself when it comes to exploring relationships. The number of women who have remained virgins into their 40s is probably low. Many, perhaps most, have had prior relationships or marriages. If you do find women who are sexually inexperienced and have sex with them, you are thrown into worrying about their morality and your own. Your only other option is to pursue virginal women who are half your age, which can lead to other problems.

Although I sympathize with your problem, it would be presumptuous on my part to guide you in issues of morality. I do suggest that you consider talking with a spiritual leader and/or a therapist to help you sort it out. Going around and around in your own head isn’t helpful. You already know your own confusion all too well. Some outside input might help you come to terms with what you really think is appropriate and right at this stage in your life.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

from Ask the Therapist


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