Skip to main content

Cheating — But Not Really?

My fiance and I have been together for 4 years. About a year into our relationship I had to take a break from it because I had a history of violent sexual abuse that I had to get help for and our relationship was hard for me to participate in during that time. About 3 months into our break we started going out on dates and working toward getting back to normal, but we were not officially together. During this time of dating and him pursuing me he had sex with another girl. 3 years passed and he never told me about the incident — since that happened we had moved in together and he asked me to marry him. I recently found out about the sex because he left his email logged on to my computer and he was emailing her an apology for his poor behavior with her. This is the first time he has been physical with another girl, but during other parts of our relationship I have caught him sexting his ex and at one point I found him texting one of his peers at school telling her that he didn’t get enough attention from me and he wanted to kiss her and see if she was the thing missing from his life. I don’t know how to proceed with him. I love him very much and our wedding is in 2 years but I’m not sure after all of this if it is even worth the work it will be to fix our relationship. So should we work it out or should throw in the towel?

A: Don’t throw in the towel until you sort through what has happened. Couples counseling right now is important. There’s a lot invested here, and it seems as if your prior history and break up is playing a part in this. You do not want to go forward in a relationship with a person you cannot trust. Yet it seems there is much working with the two of you.

Take the time to explore what is happening in couples therapy. Get a third person opinion from the therapist and bring the issue out where someone skilled can help you determined if trust can be re-established. If it can’t, then you throw in the towel and take the lessons forward. If it can, you’ll have established a better foundation on which to build. The “Find Help” tab at the top of the page can help you find someone in your area.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral



from Ask the Therapist http://ift.tt/1RzFTTi
via IFTTT

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Hair Pulling, Nail Biting, Skin Peeling and Biting

All my life I’ve bitten my nails. It’s caused me a lot of trouble, especially with my bipolar mother who has always thought screaming and shouting at me (and often a smack when I was younger) would make me stop.At around 7 I also started biting and peeling the skin on my fingers which has caused a lot of social and health issues for me from being to ashamed to join in with prayers at school, to getting my fingers getting a fungal infection causing long lasting damage to my fingers.Soon after I started to pull out the tiny hairs on my legs during school assembles and by 12 I began to pull my eyebrow hair out.How can I stop doing this to myself? I don’t even realise I’m doing it half the time (I started biting the skin around my fingers just writing this and caused it to bleed a little). I’m afraid to bring this up with my parents because of how they have reacted in the past and I’m far too embarrassed to ask anyone I would typically trust. It has severally impacted how I interact with …

Painful Memories Evoke More Intense Emotions in Those With Depression

People with major depressive disorder (MDD) experience more intense negative emotions while recalling painful memories compared to non-depressed people, according to a new study published in the journal Biological Psychiatry: Cognitive Neuroscience and Neuroimaging.And although those with MDD were able to turn down their negative emotions about as well as non-depressed people, they used different brain circuits to do so.The new findings pinpoint brain differences in MDD associated with the processing of autobiographical memories — one’s memories of personal events and knowledge of one’s life — that help us develop our sense of self and guide our interactions with the world around us.“This study provides new insights into the changes in brain function that are present in major depression,” said journal editor Cameron Carter, M.D. “It shows differences in how memory systems are engaged during emotion processing in depression and how people with the disorder must regulate these systems i…

New video by FDMX Fitness on YouTube

TRX Back and Shoulder workout
Here we are back with the TRX Suspension trainer for a back and shoulder workout! We will be wearing our polar h7 heart rate monitors, to keep track of our heart rate zones and calories burned. We will be doing the following exercises in this TRX workout video 1. TRX Shoulder press 2. TRX Low Rows 3. TRX W-Drills/ TRX L-Drills 4. TRX Mid Rows 5. TRX Shoulder press 6. TRX High Rows 7. TRX W-Drills/ TRX L-Drills 8. TRX Mid Rows Be sure to check out all of our TRX workout videos at http://ift.tt/2n62Kj3


View on YouTube

Become a patron of The Carlisle Wellness Network. Show everyone that you think this service is worth at least a buck. Go to; http://ift.tt/2i70pBW and pledge one dollar per month and help improve the resources it takes to gather the articles you see here as well as create fresh content including interviews an podcasts. We only need one dollar per month from all of our patrons to give The Carlisle Wellness Network a bright furture in the health an…