Skip to main content

My Husband Fequently Chats with Female Friend

From India: My husband started chatting with his female friends frequently during weekends and at home after office. They both used to work in same office. Now my husband has shifted to a new office. They chat about likes and dislikes. When I stopped him from chatting with her at home, he fought with me saying she is his very good friend and nothing else.

As I have restricted him to chat with her at home, he chats with her whenever he is at his office and as I check his mobile everyday he deletes those chats. In spite of lot of fights between us, he is not stopping this. What should I do for this? He feels I am controlling his life by saying this. These fights are going on between us since last month.

A: When someone breaks an agreement, it means that he or she didn’t really agree. What started as a reasonable discussion has become a fight. Now you are violating his privacy and he is accusing you of being controlling. Neither strategy is good for you as a couple.

I suggest that you both take a deep breath and go to the root of the fight. This will be difficult. It will require you both to forgive what was said during pointless fighting. It will require you both to decide that your relationship is worth having some difficult conversations about trust and boundaries.

Put the conversation about this particular woman aside for a bit and talk in general terms about what each of you believe are appropriate friendships and what you want from each other when you are both home. Then talk about why this particular person feels threatening to you and what he needs to do to reassure you. Do your best not to blame or accuse. Instead, stay with how you are each feeling and what changes will make you each feel better.

Conversations like this may be difficult, but, when they are done well, agreements are real agreements and the relationship becomes stronger.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

from Ask the Therapist


Popular posts from this blog

Hair Pulling, Nail Biting, Skin Peeling and Biting

All my life I’ve bitten my nails. It’s caused me a lot of trouble, especially with my bipolar mother who has always thought screaming and shouting at me (and often a smack when I was younger) would make me stop.At around 7 I also started biting and peeling the skin on my fingers which has caused a lot of social and health issues for me from being to ashamed to join in with prayers at school, to getting my fingers getting a fungal infection causing long lasting damage to my fingers.Soon after I started to pull out the tiny hairs on my legs during school assembles and by 12 I began to pull my eyebrow hair out.How can I stop doing this to myself? I don’t even realise I’m doing it half the time (I started biting the skin around my fingers just writing this and caused it to bleed a little). I’m afraid to bring this up with my parents because of how they have reacted in the past and I’m far too embarrassed to ask anyone I would typically trust. It has severally impacted how I interact with …

Painful Memories Evoke More Intense Emotions in Those With Depression

People with major depressive disorder (MDD) experience more intense negative emotions while recalling painful memories compared to non-depressed people, according to a new study published in the journal Biological Psychiatry: Cognitive Neuroscience and Neuroimaging.And although those with MDD were able to turn down their negative emotions about as well as non-depressed people, they used different brain circuits to do so.The new findings pinpoint brain differences in MDD associated with the processing of autobiographical memories — one’s memories of personal events and knowledge of one’s life — that help us develop our sense of self and guide our interactions with the world around us.“This study provides new insights into the changes in brain function that are present in major depression,” said journal editor Cameron Carter, M.D. “It shows differences in how memory systems are engaged during emotion processing in depression and how people with the disorder must regulate these systems i…

People with depression have stronger emotional responses to negative memories

People with major depressive disorder (MDD) feel more negative emotion when remembering painful experiences than people without the disorder, according to a new study. The study reports that people with MDD were able to control the negative emotions about as well as people unaffected by MDD, but used somewhat different brain circuits to do so.

from Top Health News -- ScienceDaily
via IFTTTBecome a patron of The Carlisle Wellness Network. Show everyone that you think this service is worth at least a buck. Go to; and pledge one dollar per month and help improve the resources it takes to gather the articles you see here as well as create fresh content including interviews an podcasts. We only need one dollar per month from all of our patrons to give The Carlisle Wellness Network a bright furture in the health and wellness social media ecosystem.