Skip to main content

I Have Shameful Thoughts When I Get to Work

From Korea: I work programming computers. I used to really love it. I still do when I get into the flow.

The problem is that I have shameful thoughts when I get to work. Right now, no such problem. As soon as I clock-in and start working, I have shame-based thoughts, mostly memories of long-past instances of private (with one other person) embarrassment.

If I get distracted, the memories go away. For example, I stopped working today to look up how Europe might have looked if the Soviet Union had won the European theater in WWII with no help from the USA. For those 15 or so minutes, I had no shameful memories, and I have no shameful memories now. I’m more or less fully concentrating.

I’d like to get to the root of this problem because it’s my livelihood and I think I could do much better if not for these distracting thoughts.

A: There are a number of possible explanations. It could be, for example, that you are having shameful thoughts because you haven’t really forgiven yourself (or asked forgiveness of the other person) about the long ago incident. This may be a bit of unfinished personal business that you do need to resolve.

On the other hand, it could be that the shameful thoughts are serving as a distraction about something even more important. Perhaps you are questioning whether programming really is the career for you. Or maybe you wonder if you are good enough at this job to make it a career. Or maybe you doubt your own abilities but you preserve your self-esteem by telling yourself “If only I didn’t have these thoughts, I would be great at my job”. The thoughts help you avoid dealing with those self-doubts.

Without talking with you, I can’t venture more than those guesses. It may be that none of them are accurate but I did want to give you some ideas to think about.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

from Ask the Therapist


Popular posts from this blog

Working Remotely Is Not Necessarily Stress-Free

Many believe that working from home or remotely can foster freedom and stress-free job satisfaction, and that everyone wants  more work autonomy.A new study from Baylor University in Waco, Texas, says “Not so fast.”In the study, researchers examined the impact of remote work on employee well-being. Their findings suggest that a variety of factors can undermine or accent the employee benefits of working off-site.Accordingly, researchers developed new strategies to help managers provide remote-work opportunities that are valuable to the employee and the company.“Any organization, regardless of the extent to which people work remotely, needs to consider well-being of their employees as they implement more flexible working practices,” the researchers wrote.The study appears in the European Journal of Work and Organizational Psychology.In the review, a total of 403 working adults were surveyed for the two studies that made up the research, said lead author Sara Perry, Ph.D.Researchers meas…

Americans Are Getting A Little More Sleep

A new survey published in the journal Sleep finds that, on average, Americans are slowly but surely getting more shut-eye, even if it’s just a few minutes each week. The findings show that, overall, people seem to be turning in a little earlier and spending less time watching TV or reading just before bed.The research, based on the American Time Use Survey (ATUS), found that daily sleep duration increased by 1.4 minutes on weekdays and 0.8 minutes on weekends each year.At first glance, this may not seem like much progress. However, over the 14-year period it translates to 17.3 minutes more sleep each night, or 4.4 full days more sleep each year. Overall, these numbers amount to an extra 7.5 hours of sleep each year over the 14-year period. The survey involved 181,335 respondents aged 15 and older between 2003 and 2016.The study, conducted by researchers at the Perelman School of Medicine at the University of Pennsylvania, is the first to show that sleep duration has increased among se…

Non-invasive imaging technique accurately detects skin cancer without surgical biopsy

Researchers funded by the National Institute of Biomedical Imaging and Bioengineering have developed a non-invasive imaging technique that accurately detects skin cancer without surgical biopsy.

from The Medical News
via IFTTTBecome a patron of The Carlisle Wellness Network. Show everyone that you think this service is worth at least a buck. Go to; and pledge one dollar per month and help improve the resources it takes to gather the articles you see here as well as create fresh content including interviews an podcasts. We only need one dollar per month from all of our patrons to give The Carlisle Wellness Network a bright furture in the health and wellness social media ecosystem.