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How Do I Get My Boyfriend to Trust Me?

From a teen in the U.S.: My boyfriend has no trust for me due to past relationships. He is extremely jealous and gets mad when I talk to other guys at all (even if they’re gay or a close family friend). I love him and would do anything for him. He took my virginity and everything.

I know he loves me and cares for me. I know he does, but im scared our relationship is going to suffer because of how he doesn’t trust me at all. We constantly get in mini arguments because he’ll see some guy texting me or me hanging out with a guy or see pictures of me with “too much cleavage”.

When were not fighting we’re perfect. Im just scared I will lose him because of how often we fight. I don’t want to fight and I try to change a few things like hang out with less guys and limit those I talk to, but at the same time majority of my friends are male and I don’t want to lose good friends that are like family to me and that I love and care about because my boyfriend doesn’t trust me.

I love my boyfriend which is why I am constantly reaching out for help and trying to fix the situation but all my friends say he’s acting way too controlling and he needs to calm down and I agree but I know he won’t change no matter what I say. I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to lose him and I’m happiest with him but we fight so much our relationship is starting to suffer and I don’t know how to fix it. I have no idea what to do in this situation. Please give me some pointers and advice. Thank you.

I’m sorry this is so painful for you. But I do agree with your friends. This guy is too insecure and controlling. As you said, there is nothing you can do to “make” him trust you. A relationship with him means giving up more and more of yourself in order to prevent fights. Love doesn’t require walking on eggshells to keep things stable. Love doesn’t require a person to give up her other friends or to be constantly on the alert for his sensitivities.

I worry that you are staying with him because he is the first guy you had sex with. You may be trying to convince yourself you love him in order to justify having had sex with someone who isn’t the guy for you. It may be difficult for you to let go, but he simply isn’t worth your love or your loyalty. Get out before you get even more hurt. Make yourself available for someone who will love you and trust you and cherish you as you deserve.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie



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