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I Am Lonely and No Longer Able to Function

From a 14 year old in the U.S.: at the age of nine I experienced scabies with my family. it was isolating and traumatic, and left me with mild but long-lasting and persistent ptsd symptoms. I’ve had solid depression since then and it took over my life. my general feelings of anxiety became a disorder about halfway through 7th grade.

I feel alone, I’ve never had a best friend. My friends leave me or ignore me without explanation, and my parents don’t know Im a lesbian. everything is exhausting and I find myself unable to complete homework. mental health has been such a problem in my life that I don’t even know who I’d be without them. they’ve taken the place of that much development.

I’ve had sleep disorders similar to insomnia my entire life and they have only worsened with age. It takes me hours (minimum of 2.5, on good nights and 5+ on bad nights) every night to fall asleep, without exception. I’m a mess, haha no wonder my friends leave me. but in all honesty, I’m a good friend. I say it along with other things I take pride in without shame because I hated everything about myself with a passion for 5 years and I’m tired of it.

I always made time for my friends and if they needed to talk I dropped everything, with consequence to myself. I had two passionate and close-to-year-long crushes, and neither were mutual or even ended ok. Ive had dozens of s*****al episodes (no direct attempts) throughout the years and self h****d infrequently starting at age 10. whooof okay, not that all my history is out on the table, my current situation.

ive been begging my parents for therapy/medication/a diagnosis for 4 years and have researched dozens of therapists in the area covered by our healthcare. my mother thinks meds are poison and she clearly has no interest in outside help. shes all into natural stuff, and thats not bad, but she takes it to an extreme. she thinks that garlic supplements and being on the swim team are the only real cures. I know they’re both good but I can’t function and this is the time for final resorts. our financial situation is not perfect, but we can definitely afford treatment and we have insurance. help?!? hahaha help

None of this is a laughing matter. You are hurt and hurting. If garlic and exercise would do it, they would have done so already. You have a sleep disorder. You may have anxiety, depression, or PTSD. I say “may” because you are diagnosing yourself. A professional might have a different idea.

I do agree that therapy, or at least a good evaluation by a therapist, would be helpful. You need an advocate to help you talk with your mom about it. I encourage you to talk with your school counselor, your doctor, or a trusted adult who your mother will listen to.

They (and you) need to reassure her that an evaluation comes with recommendations, not a decision about treatment. A good evaluation will provide information for everyone to think about. If your mom is convinced that medication isn’t an answer, a therapist will offer other alternatives. It’s important that you be open to exploring other options as well.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

from Ask the Therapist

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