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Everyone I Love Leaves, I’m Always Alone

My mom left me, my dad, and brother about a year ago. Leaving me to do with my depressed family members and picking up the pieces that’s she broke. Now she’s married with a new friend family stating how she should never been happier. I’m not Sure why I could not maleness her that happy. Now my dad wants to leave me and my brother to give start a new life if we without us saying how we are a burden to take care of. I had a boyfriend for a while who I loved but he left also. All I have is love for all these people but they’ve all left anyways. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me that makes everyone want to leave. I have a hard time even having any sort of friendship or relationship now because i know they will all eventually leave me also. I don’t know what to do with myself anymore I have no motivation to do anything ever. I have a constant pit in my stomach and my heart is always in pain. I want to stop hurting im this way but I do not know where to start and how to continue on with much life even after everyone has left.

You wrote that your mother, father and boyfriend “left”, but it’s not clear what you mean by “left.” Once a child becomes an adult, they “leave” their family to start their own lives. They are attempting to become an independent adult. It would be unusual if parents characterized that experience as having been “left.” It’s not personal; it is developmentally appropriate.

Likewise, the same may be true about your family. Their leaving may not be personal.

There seems to have been a separation between your parents. They may have moved on to new relationships which would be expected after a separation. Their having moved on to new relationships should not necessarily be seen as them “leaving” you. It could be them simply trying to live their lives.

Regarding your boyfriend, breakups are common. Typically, you will break up over and over again until you meet the person you will marry. Often, those breakups are not mutually agreed-upon decisions. In other words, one person is unhappy about the breakup. The problem in the relationship might simply have been that the two of you were not a match.

The bottom line is that their leaving may have nothing to do with you. They may simply be attempting to live their lives. They may not have “left” you at all. It likely has nothing to do with you.

You may be seeing a pattern where there is none, but I don’t have enough information to make any such determination, based on just a short letter. Thus, I would recommend meeting with an in-person therapist. They can analyze whether or not you are accurate in your perceptions. Give it a try. It could help to relieve the psychological distress you feel about these issues. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

from Ask the Therapist

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