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My Boyfriend Controls Every Conversation

From the U.S.: Please help! I’m soooo frustrated by my boyfriend of 3 years behaviors. We used to have long 6-8hr. conversations when we first met. We clicked like we never had with anyone previously in our lives.

Now my boyfriend constantly cuts me off mid-sentence or mid-thought to tell me that the topic I’m speaking about is “too frivolous”, is inconsequential to his current thought processes, or that I need to “Shut up”; just listen, or let him finish his thought!!!??? I’m feeling dismissed, cut off, insulted, disrespected, a host of other negative feelings. He’ll then add more insult to injury by asking on occasion why I don’t talk with him the way I used to???!!! If I try to respond, he’ll just cut me off again.

This aspect of our relationship has been frustrating me  causing feelings of anger. He acts like nothing’s changed, when I know it definitely has!  He insists he’s the same as he always was, but I know that’s not true!!! Instead he now spends more time in a conversation either trying to get to the point in two hours or more, or accuses me of mind-games all of the manipulation games he acting out.

Can someone please enlighten me???!!! I feel I am seriously lacking in the right skills to communicate with this person. Is there a resource that may be helpful?I want to understand, but don’t know where to begin.:-(

There are some men who do change once they are sure of a relationship. While courting, they are perfect gentlemen. But once they feel secure, they drop the facade. It’s as if they enjoy the “hunt”, not the stability of a relationship.

For your own sake, please take a big, big step back from this guy. You are unlikely to be successful no matter what communication “skills” you develop. He is controlling what you talk about, how you talk, and how long you talk. If you don’t agree with him, you are in for hours of being scolded.

Enough! He is gaslighting you when he says he hasn’t changed. He has. And it isn’t pretty. You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity, not like a not very bright child.

from Ask the Therapist

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