Skip to main content

Conflicts in Dating a Single Dad

I am in a situation where I have been the patient understanding partner but am at a point where I am considering leaving the relationship because of the kid. I think first is the issue of discipline. My partner, to me, is very inconsistent in his discipline being simultaneously too harsh and lenient (ex. “I’m going to get my belt if you don’t listen and I am not giving you anything to eat, now come here and give me a hug. Want to watch TV?”). I do not directly address this in disagreement but he can tell from my facial expression that I am not with this. So he gets extremely defensive. All I can say is that I am allowed to have thoughts and those thoughts can disagree. But he wants me to agree with him and I just do not. There is also a jealousy issue. I bought his kid a stuffed animal and my partner says “it’s a good thing that I didn’t buy a stuffed animal like I was going to cause then we would have to see whose gift he likes more”. On Christmas day, when kid opened up a guitar he received from his dad and couldn’t put it down, his dad yells “He likes my gift the best. I win!”. The incidents that I mentioned above were minor but there have been really big arguments that have ensued from either in which my partner’s go to excuse for yelling and screaming is that he is the parent and I need to stay in my lane. Just to clarify, once me going out of my lane involved me getting a lint roller to remove cat hair from his son’s pjs before he put it on. I had matching pjs and the plan was that me and his kid were going to wear the pjs and have a movie and popcorn night. His dad said that he couldn’t wear the pjs because he needed to get the cat hair off first. He was in the middle of cooking so I went to do it. I was yelled at for trying to undermine his authority because he already said that his son was not to wear those pjs at all (that was not what he said). I honestly feel it was a ploy to ruin pajama night. I am noticing that part of the problem is that my partner doesn’t want certain things getting back to the baby mama for fear she will use their kid as leverage and not allow him to see his son. After over a year of dating, I am beginning to just feel resentful and emotionally alienated but feel like I am not allowed to have those feelings because I am not the one with the kid and that kids are supposed to come first.

How your boyfriend is with his son is characterological, not situational. You are describing his character, not his condition. You say he is inconsistent, insensitive to your needs, dismissive of your attempts to help, competitive, and fearful of the child’s mother. Do you really want to be with someone who consistently creates a condition where you are resentful and alienating?

If you are going to stay in the relationship then a meeting with a family therapist is essential. If your boyfriend says he isn’t interested in changing, then you may want to consider moving on.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral



from Ask the Therapist http://bit.ly/2sjUc9c
via IFTTT

Become a patron of The Carlisle Wellness Network. Show everyone that you think this service is worth at least a buck. Go to; https://www.patreon.com/carlislewellness and pledge one dollar per month and help improve the resources it takes to gather the articles you see here as well as create fresh content including interviews an podcasts. We only need one dollar per month from all of our patrons to give The Carlisle Wellness Network a bright furture in the health and wellness social media ecosystem.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Working Remotely Is Not Necessarily Stress-Free

Many believe that working from home or remotely can foster freedom and stress-free job satisfaction, and that everyone wants  more work autonomy. A new study from Baylor University in Waco, Texas, says “Not so fast.” In the study, researchers examined the impact of remote work on employee well-being. Their findings suggest that a variety of factors can undermine or accent the employee benefits of working off-site. Accordingly, researchers developed new strategies to help managers provide remote-work opportunities that are valuable to the employee and the company. “Any organization, regardless of the extent to which people work remotely, needs to consider well-being of their employees as they implement more flexible working practices,” the researchers wrote. The study appears in the European Journal of Work and Organizational Psychology . In the review, a total of 403 working adults were surveyed for the two studies that made up the research, said lead author Sara Perry, Ph.D. Re

Today’s Popular Music is More Angry, Sad and Less Joyful

Today’s popular music is noticeably different from the popular songs of the 1960s and 1970s. Now a new study reveals that it’s not just the music itself that is different; today’s music consumers seem to prefer songs that express darker emotions in both lyric and tone. The findings, published in the Journal of Popular Music Studies , show that the expression of anger and sadness in popular music has increased gradually over time, while the expression of joy has declined. Using quantitative analytics, researchers from Lawrence Technological University in Michigan studied changes in popular music lyrics throughout the last seven decades, from the 1950s to 2016. Data scientists Kathleen Napier and Dr. Lior Shamir analyzed the lyrics of more than 6,000 songs found on the Billboard Hot 100, a list of the most popular songs of each year. In the past, songs were ranked primarily by record sales, radio broadcasting, and jukebox plays, but in more recent years, popularity is based on several

I Pretend that Fictional Characters Are Real & Talk to Myself as Them

I’ve always loved to play pretend. But now that I’m a teenager, instead of outgrowing it, it’s gotten worse. Now I’ve gotten to the point where it’s an obsession, and I spend more time with my imaginary friends then with real people. I pretend that my favorite characters from movies and TV shows are real, and I talk to myself, both as myself and the character. I have long discussions with myself. I also pretend that they are with me everywhere I go–to the supermarket, to my cousin’s house. I pretend that they’re with me, no matter what I do. Lately, I’ve also been doing something that’s hard to explain: I pretend to be two people (usually myself and my mother, or a cousin, or a made-up person) and have a pretend to have a conversation with them. I pretend that the fiction character is watching me and my mother/cousin/other. Usually, those scenarios involve either a verbal fight, or joking. I’m really concerned because I know this is abnormal and I’m not living a normal life. I’m worri