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Mood Swings & Depression After Sexual Issues in Past Relationship

I don’t know whats wrong with me.

I was a virgin when I met my ex-husband. Our sex life was bad. He treated me badly outside of sex. He was critical and yelled at me and threatened to leave me. Sexually, he pressured me to do things I didn’t want to do-doggy style and anal sex. I agreed because he pressured me so much and would guilt trip me and tell me he wouldn’t do things I liked if I didn’t agree to do those. Those two things hurt me, and I would tell him, but he wouldn’t stop.

Is there something wrong with me that I can never have sex from behind or anal sex ever again? I now suffer from mood swings and lash out at people.

I’m not sure why you would think there’s anything “wrong” with you for not wanting to engage in a certain style of sex. Perhaps your view of sexuality has been tainted by the prevalence of pornography. That’s probably true for many people. Entire generations are now learning about sex by viewing pornography. For many people, porn has become the new sex ed. The problem with this is that much of the pornography is unrealistic and overly harsh towards women. Perhaps that is why you think that there something “wrong with you.”

One of the biggest increases in sexual behavior appears to be anal sex. For example, a study in 1992 revealed that 16% of women age 18 to 24 said they tried anal sex. In 2016, another study revealed that 20% of women 18 to 19 have tried it and by ages 20 to 24, 40% have tried it. The rise in interest is likely influenced by pornography. Studies also show that it’s mainly males who are pushing for anal sex. They expected females to endure it, though studies consistently show that females report it as painful. Both males and females blamed females for the discomfort associated with anal sex, upset that they were unable to “relax.”

It seems like the relationship with your ex-husband may have been damaging. If so, consider counseling to help you address any potential problems. You might choose a therapist who specializes in posttraumatic stress and/or depression. Thank you for your question. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

from Ask the Therapist

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