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My Husband Keeps Confusing Me

I am newly married from India. My problem is that my husband keeps misleading my understanding and make me confuse everything, and he is leaving me in that confusion by hurting me.

Now I am in a situation where am not able to take any decision. I am stressed out with the confusion. I am feeling tension whenever the confusion created to security kind of issues. And he closed all the doors to know about the confusion.

regarding Misleading my understand, Suppose if two persons have same name having different occupation lets say x and y, and my understanding is that x doing business and y doing job. He will say x doing job and y doing business. After i will loose consistency of brain. And tension starts. These kind of misleading in my career goals and my beliefs also .

He will manage his friends saying not to tell about him. I don’t have any Other source and how to resist this situation

I’m sure this is both annoying and frightening. Your husband is making you doubt your own observations and perceptions. The examples you gave are a classic example of “gaslighting”.

“Gaslighting” is not a mental health diagnosis. It is a popular term that is based on the plot in a 1944 American movie. The husband causes the gas lights in their house to flicker and then tells his wife she is imagining things when she expresses concern.. Over time, he makes her feel like she is losing her mind.

“Gaslighting” is now used to name when someone gains control by manipulating another person to make them question their own sanity. It is a form of emotional abuse. The person who “gaslights” is often a highly insecure person who needs to feel superior and in control of others.

If this is the case with your husband, you need to evaluate whether this marriage is for you. I realize that it is difficult to consider divorce so early in a marriage but if this doesn’t change you are likely to feel increasingly devalued, anxious and depressed. You are not ill. You are being bullied. If he won’t change and you can’t find the strength to leave, please consider finding a counselor who can help you.

I wish you well,

Dr. Marie


from Ask the Therapist

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