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Husband Walked Out on Me

please help me know what to do…This argument was so stupid and I may have just lost my husband forever because of it.

We were watching a TV show, and in the show a male character was sleeping in a hotel bed with a woman that was not his wife and I mentioned something like “wow, I hate that every male character has to cheat.” Well, my husband replied with “that’s not cheating” and I kind of freaked out a bit and asked him how that’s not cheating (I have been cheated on in the past by a man that’s not him so I have a little bit of past trauma when it comes to cheating) and kept questioning him about it to the point where I was getting so frustrated I started crying. Well, that was a last resort for him I guess; he said “I can’t believe you would insinuate that I would cheat” and walked out the door, saying he can’t deal with me anymore.

I’m so upset i want to die. I don’t know if he’s leaving me forever, and if I’ve ruined everything over a stupid tv show. If you have any advice for what I could say or do to fix this, it’d be much appreciated. Also, I’m so sorry if none of this made sense; I’m going crazy right now.

Try communicating that you are sincerely sorry. Explain that you have a history of having been cheated on and are sensitive to these topics. Try to be as explanatory as possible.

Alternatively, you may be guilty of making sweeping assumptions about all men. Your last partner cheated but you should not assume that all men are cheaters. That’s an unfair and untrue characterization.

Miscommunication may be largely to blame for what happened in this circumstance. Thus, it’s important to clarify what happened and why he was upset. Perhaps he was having a bad day or was not feeling well. Maybe he took it as a direct accusation. False accusations can make people highly upset.

Another consideration is that because you are sensitive to the topic of cheating, you may have made inappropriate comments in the past. On those past occasions, he may have kept quiet but this time it might have been the last straw.

There’s likely much more to this story. Clear and honest communication is necessary to attempt to remedy the situation.

You might try counseling. This could be in the form of couples counseling or individual counseling, depending on the nature of the problems in the relationship, and whether or not he’s willing to participate. Good luck with your efforts.

Dr. Kristina Randle

from Ask the Therapist

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